


i am happy, just like this

by sweetgoodgraciousangel



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, bc if she does it opens up more opportunities for everything to come crashing down, enough that she doesnt wanna become more famous, lottie is overprotective of her fame lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 07:00:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15309957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetgoodgraciousangel/pseuds/sweetgoodgraciousangel
Summary: Lottie is the Queen of the Honeyfeld Casino, and no one will take that from her.





	i am happy, just like this

Lottie cringed away from the paper like it was the single most disgusting thing she’d ever been offered. Though the person who was holding it out to her wore a kind smile, she found something dangerous lurking behind it, and she swallowed harshly as she pinched the folded note between her finger and thumb, drawing it close to her and shoving it away in one of her hidden pockets and dismissed them with a wave of her other hand. Quick, easy and dealt with. She didn’t want to face them.

“Wha - you’re not going to read it?”

She gave a neutral hum.

“When I have time.”

“But - “

She snapped her eyes up at them and hissed out her words.

“I  _ said  _ when I have time.”

Visibly, their heart jumped and skin crawled. Her tone was not to be defied, her demands never ignored once everyone entered the casino doors. They merely bowed their head, but their cheeks were flushed with embarrassment as people stared at them after the blatant rejection Lottie had spat out, and they turned on their heel as left as quickly as they came, save for the fact they looked thousands of times less confidant compared to when they approached her. The situation remained fresh in her mind for only a few moments before she realized she was still inside of the building with expectant people waiting, staring blankly at the doors as they opened and closed. 

As if for comfort, she sat down in the familiar large plush comfy seat at the head of the large round table. It was like a queen sitting at her throne, looking upon in pity at the swarms of her lowly subjects just below where she resided. And she liked it just like that. She, the Queen of Gambling; the one who threw herself into the midst of chaos as a nobody and came out the winner with a name and familiar face,  _ deserving  _ of the title and rewards that came with being the top dog. She knew she was. She didn’t claw her way through all the bullshit and hell itself to be told she didn’t. The evidence of her struggle would always be visible in many different ways.

She picked up the cards laying aside and shuffled through them quickly, counting them out one by one, saying their names like prayers in order to distract herself from her thoughts.

_ Queen of hearts, two of diamonds, seven of spades - _

She felt the paper in her pocket shift and she let out a shaky sigh.

It was an invitation to some sort of _ formal party  _ she’d never heard of. There would be plenty of alcohol and divine expensive delicacies to indulge in, though the main convincing point that the person from before tried to push upon her was the competitive nature of the people who gathered there to play poker. Big names, popular faces, and newcomers all alike were welcome for a chance to make themselves known in another, larger community of people. A great way to gain traction for prominence. 

And, it was tempting. It was  _ always  _ tempting. A chance to make an even better, more respected image for herself and fight with bruised fists to a better place, to a higher throne.  _ Everything _ , all the  _ offers _ , the  _ glory _ , the  _ well-known fame _ for her name to be  _ branded  _ and  _ respected  _ in the minds of everyone who ever met her was  _ so fucking tempting. _

She knew she could do it at any given time she wanted, but she wanted none of it. Fear hung over her mind like a looming thunderstorm, and washed any of the confidence she had away. She was terrified of what could happen if she did try. One slip up, and it’d all come crashing down, including all of the work she’d done.

And so that caused the chiming in of opinions from the regulars after they’d heard about the drama for the night, the ones who she barely knew the names of but they highly considered her a rather dear friend. Not that anyone would ever catch her doing any favors for them or lending them a shoulder to cry on. She didn’t need that type of connection in her life, and refused to acknowledge them outside of these walls.

No one was surprised Lottie had involvement of said drama, but instead of it being the typical newcomer furious that they couldn’t win a match against her, it was actually her herself kicking up a storm. 

A game had soon started up, so she dealt out the cards and watched as each picture on the front shifted; it fell into place, and of course by the end of it Lottie had the winning hand. She always did.

“You won’t go?” Someone asked. And she merely shook her head. No more explanation was given, and none was needed. She could almost have bitten her tongue in order to keep it all from spilling out but she didn’t want to give anyone the honor of hearing it. And if they knew what was good for them, they’d keep their inquiries to themselves.

“I’m not the type to have meaningless connections.” She said in a low voice, her expression neutral as she gazed over her cards. A master of poker face.

“But - “

“What would I stand to gain from it?” Lottie asked, trying not to let her frustration show.

They slowly lowered their cards from their hands, casting her a concerned look.

“For fun, Lottie. There’s not anything to gain from it. Not every game has a prize to be won.”

“I hate it like that.”

“I can’t begin to fathom why you do - “ 

The sound of their voice was slowly covering up any ability to reasonably think out an explanation. She clenched her teeth and broke, her neutral expression fading and something a lot more vicious taking place. Her anger shook everyone to the core.

“I show up, and then  _ what _ ? I play games for hours on end, just like I do here. It’s the same thing, just somewhere else. It’s another  _ petty  _ attempt from someone to try and demean me. I won’t go.”

Everyone fell silent. There was worry lurking in everyone’s eyes, and before she could ask them what the hell they thought they were staring at, in that moment Lottie realized a tear had rolled down her cheek.

Her heart nearly stopped, raising her free hand slowly to scrub at the evidence of her emotions.

No, no,  _ no _ . This was  _ not  _ happening here. Not where everyone could see.

Her  _ worst  _ nightmare.

So she quickly laid down her cards on the table and collectively gasps of frustration and anger was heard around the table as everyone tossed the cards down in defeat, as if abruptly forgetting her outburst in favor of being angry at yet another loss. A quick, easy win, so she stood as fast as she could, took all the money and little trinkets thrown out there in the mix and shoved it all away. She didn’t even have time to gaze smugly at the winnings. She stacked up the cards neatly and slid the deck up her sleeve after banding them safely so they wouldn’t fall everywhere.

“Lottie - “ Someone called out to her, reaching for her, realizing what was still going on but she briskly jerked herself away out of reach of their fingers. It was meant to be comforting, but to her it was a  _ threat _ . Everything was a  _ threat _ . Everything that threatened her reputation she built from the ground up with her own two hands, through sweat, tears, loneliness, and the realization she may be alone forever was not going to be allowed into her life even if it meant shutting everything and everyone out completely. She had to protect herself, but she was going to fucking have fun and be royalty while doing it.

Lottie has come to like the silence of her home, which is where she desperately wanted to be right now. So after letting a few more tears slip in front of the crowd, who was surprised the leader of this place was running out unexpectedly, she managed to push her way outside and into the cold night. The breeze practically cut her cheeks, but she didn’t care as she kept walking, pulling the brim of her hat down to hide her face, and kept her eyes on the ground. She herself didn’t understand why she was so worked up, but being away from there for now helped. The further distance she put between herself and that building, the better she felt.

The walk home felt like eternity. Her heels hit the ground rhythmically and disturbed the natural chirping of the night critters and bugs of Honeyfeld, though didn’t care to give it much regard. She just wanted to be home, to get the fuck away from everyone else.

Lottie finally fumbled with the key to her home and unlocked it, swinging the door open to the lavish place and slammed it behind her, locking it tight. 

She dropped the key and sank to the floor beside it where it cluttered loudly.

Lottie took a deep breath and cried, safely, within the comfort of where she lived.

Make a reputation in this world and allow no one to usurp it, is the one thing she taught herself. 

**Author's Note:**

> asdghjklmbasdh iit probably makes no sesne i half way wrote this to help me vent lol


End file.
